Fat Momma Joke.

I have no photo of me at my heaviest.  I don't even know how much I weighed at my heaviest.  I no longer wanted my picture taken and I would look away when I have to step on the scale. I do know my heaviest was on July 14th, 2013 at 8:02 p.m.  This is because one minute later my son was born.

One week before my c-section I was at the doctors and stepped on the scale.  296.  TWO HUNDRED AND NINETY SIX!!!  I didn't look at the scale, the nurse said it out loud.  Thanks.  I vowed I would not make it to 300 before Parker was here, that I would NEVER hit that number.  I have no idea what I made it to, I'd like to think I never hit that awful number.

Most people don't see me as weighing that much. I'm 5'11 so I hide weight very well.  Don't get me wrong, I don't hide it that well.  

As the days crept up to my due date I wanted to check the scale.  One day I braved it and stepped on only to see the scale go clockwise and back to 0.  There was never a reason to see how high the scale went, but now I did, it was 280.  That helped my self-esteem.  I was now a Fat Momma Joke.

Well instead of 12 days, Parker was born only four after that doctors appointment. As I started this challenge I was already back to 259. I haven't weighed myself since and plan on doing it weekly which means it will be coming up soon.  

I have been walking daily, watching what I eat and breastfeeding.  I hear breastfeeding can burn up to an additional 500 calories a day, so that would be nice.  Benefits for the baby AND me. :)

I might be starting off slow, but I'm proud,  I've done more this week than I have in a year.

First Workout.

One thing I must mention: I do have a newborn and apparently can't spell.  I realized several people pinned a photo of the blog to pinterest and I'm SOOO grateful, but I totally spelled lose wrong and I thank my friend Jamie for pointing it out! :) I did correct it, so feel free to pin it again with the right spelling.

Anyways, 3 weeks after my c-section so I can't overdo it yet. These first few weeks I will have to stick to better eating habits and building up endurance.

This first workout had me already pushing myself. I got around the block and was ready to go home. During pregnancy I developed Planter's Heel and it's so painful even walk. Mix that will my healing uterus and you can imagine.

So I pushed myself and pushed David around the neighborhood for 35 minutes. That's great for me considering after Parker was born I was only making it 10 or 15 minutes.

So yay me, pretty boring but you have to start somewhere!

Taboo.

I need to figure out why now.  Why now am I committed to loosing the weight, getting healthy, starting a new lifestyle. 

I've put it off long enough.  I'm scared, I always have been.  Fear has to be put in it's place.

Social acceptance has always been a big deal to me.  I've put myself in a shell to mask the fact that I am unhappy and always have been.  Putting on a smile and making a group laugh is usually my specialty, even being heavy and aware of people noticing.  I've noticed over the past 2 years I don't speak up, I don't crack jokes and I usually find reasons to avoid going out.  I'd rather sit at home than TRY to find something to wear that hides each pound of flaw.

The first time I really came to grips with my weight was in college.  I was walking into my dorm and a group of people were playing the game Taboo, basically charades with words.

Anyhoo, I knew the people, one of which was my room mate and best friend, so I joined in.


We played, we were drinking, we were having a great time.  Most people I knew, most I considered friends.

 

So it came to be my turn.  The guy across from me started the timer and drew a card. He stared at it for a minute like he was racking his brain.  He finally said "This is what you are" with a hint of smart ass, the people behind him went bug-eyed and snickered.  What do I say?  The first thing that came to my mind... "Funny?!"  He immediately said Pass and grabbed the next card. I looked down to see where that card was placed. I had NO IDEA what it said and I was curious. So after my turn I grabbed it.

Overweight. "This is what you are."  Overweight. It was true, but it was mean. It was true but not until that moment did I think other people saw it too.  Tears started to pool and I got out of there before anyone noticed.

This person is still my "friend." Every time I see him I'm reminded of racing to the elevator so I could ride it alone and no one would see me cry.  I vowed then to loose the weight. 

That was in 2004!!!! Almost 10 years ago!!! I didn't even realize that until I typed it. How embarrassing.

I have never shared that story with anyone. I still try to act like I'm not overweight.  Well that is over. I'm actually considered morbidly obese now.

It's only been 3 weeks since my c-section, so I can't do crazy workouts but I can start small and eat right!! My taboo ends now!!!

8-4-2013. 259 lbs.

Pretty Face.

I've always been told I have a pretty face.  I don't understand why anyone uses this term anymore.  It's pretty much the universal code to tell me it's the only thing I got going on.  I hate hearing it because I do think I have a pretty face but I know the underlying meaning.  I'm half Indian/half Australian.  I've been told I look exotic although I was born an raised in boring ole Kentucky.


So, about me?  I'm 29 years old as of last Friday.  Mark is my other half and our tale is a story of it's own.  We have David who is 2 1/2 and Parker who is 3 weeks old.  I'm a photographer by day and a blackjack dealer at night.  Most of all, I'm tired of being fat.

This is David and I at 36 weeks pregnant.  Photo by Kelly Beach Photography.

Parker James, 6 days new. <3 Happy, Healthy TEN POUND baby.

The hubby and me.  I was only about 30 weeks pregnant here. 

It stops now.
I am setting a deadline.
August 2nd, 2014.
My 30th birthday.
Follow me as I shred the title Pretty Faced Momma.